Los Dos Lados

The two sets of pictures here show the drastic differences that make up the majority of Mexico. There is the dying land that previously supported Mexico's agricultural industry while the other pictures display the ever increasing industry of tourism. Puerto Vallarta, so full of vacationing Americans and rich Mexicans, is a city that greatly covers both the history and struggles of the Mexican people. It is easy for outsiders to come in, soak up the cheap prices and constant service and convince themself that there are no problems here.

Even as an American tourist, there is a sense of belonging that I feel when I am in the little pueblos that make up Mexico. As struggling and poverty ridden as they may seem, the feeling of happiness and contentness is hard to miss. Their lack of modernity and wealth is looked down upon by the majority of this constantly developing world but for some reason it is where I find peace.

These two differnet worlds that exist within Mexico and the world as a whole leave me wondering, in which one do I belong?

Feeling Good

Birds flying high you know how I feel
Sun in the sky you know how I feel
Reeds driftin on by you know how I feel

Its a new dawn
Its a new day
Its a new life
For me
And Im feeling good

Fish in the sea you know how I feel
River running free you know how I feel
Blossom in the tree you know how I feel

Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, dont you know
Butterflies all havin fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when day is done
Thats what I mean

And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me

Stars when you shine you know how I feel
Scent of the pine you know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And I know how I feel


(Totally my new favorite song, either version by Nina Simone or Michael Bublé. Not only is the melody absolutely amazing but I love the lyrics and the way the song makes me feel in my entirety. This song perfectly captures all the positive emotions of emerging from a dark place and finding yourself all over again. This song is just simply beautiful and uplifting so go listen to it if you haven't heard it all ready ( : )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w3BH9hKNPoI

Yin Yang: Unity of the Opposites

Now that I find myself transitioning from an older girl to a young woman, I find myself seeking more and more wisdom from my elders and trying to leave the behind the beliefs of adolescence. But this Friday, while on a field trip with a 3rd grade class to Golden Gate Park, I was reminded of the beauty that is contained in the simple knowledge children hold. The more I feel like I am being pulled from the ignorant state of childhood, the more overwhelmed and saddened I begin to feel about the world I live in and the fading hope I have in it. In college, or at least at USF, they seem to focus on pointing everything wrong with the world, I guess in hopes that we will go out there and fix it, but it really makes you begin to forget about all the beauty and love that really do exist in the world. That is what I want to thank a little Chinese-German boy for reminded me of when I was saddened by a dead baby turtle we passed by. He said in a very matter of fact and philosophical manner,

"Its ok. Don't you know what Yin and Yang is? There can't be birth without death, there can't be light without dark, there can't be man without woman, good without evil, or heaven without hell. Everything in nature has its opposite and that is what creates balance in the world."

I was more than taken back by the unexpected wisdom that I had just heard from an 8 year old boy. I think all adults can actually learn a lot from children and their simple ideas about the way the world works. At times I find myself creating too much complexity in my own life, when I'm not sure things really need to be so sticky. I want to aspire to actually regain some of my simple cognition that I saw in those students that day. I want to be able to step away from myself one day and think, do things really have to be this difficult? I think I might surprise myself.

Falling out of Love and back into your Life

With prayers answered and strength gained, I finally feel myself moving on past a love that had kept me restrained so tightly for the past three years. I wish I could say that the relationship had continued for the entire three years, but it seems that almost half of that time was spent trying to move on from a relationship I couldn't let go of. Even with my encounters with other men and the obvious need to forget about it, something kept me holding on. I fully understand now that time is the ultimate healer and through times of hardship is when you learn the most about yourself and discover your inner strength.

Everyday I feel myself growing stronger and moving on, and though this is what I longed for so badly in all my states of loneliness and longing, I actually find myself missing that vulnerable position. A part of me can't help try and resist letting go
of something that always felt so comfortable and right. But when I look inside my heart and more importantly when I look at you, I see there is no reason to hold on anymore. Despite the care and respect and thankfulness I will always feel for you, I'm ready let this become the platonic relationship that I would have with any other friend. I'm going to let that emptiness we both feel when we talk settle in on my mind and body and finally say something to you that I may have said in the past but can only now truly mean: goodbye my lover, hello my friend.




"The world still turns and the sun still burns
And that's what I've learned without you
And the days roll on and my heart gets stronger too
Don't think I didn't love you
Just because I made it through
But I learned to love myself
Without you"

Puppy Love

As I was sitting in the 5th grade class I volunteer in, I couldn't help from remembering my own elementary school experience. From there I started thinking about my first "boyfriend", Jon, in 6th grade. I hadn't thought about it in so long and actually have sadly since forgotten many of the details of our relationship, but there are some giggly memories that I will always have to look back on.

I remember our first "date" to the movie theaters... with my Mom and little brother sitting behind us the entire time. And Jon and I getting all the satisfaction in the world from simply rubbing our little pinky fingers together (if only men could be so satisfied by that still : P ).

I remember our first Valentines day together and the gifts we exchanged. I was going crazy trying to think of the perfect gift for Jon and sadly ended up taking the advice of my mother; to give my 6th grade boyfriend who I'd maybe been dating for a month a framed school portrait of my pre-pubescent self. That way he could look at my big smile full of braces and little freckly face whenever he wanted. Haha, it sounds pretty conceited thinking back on it. In return he gave me a simple teddy bear that had "Love You" written on the paws. I still have it somewhere in my closet. Sometimes I still wonder what he's done with that picture. Did he have the heart to throw it out or is it stuck in some random drawer that maybe one day he will come across when searching for a highlighter?

Ahh, and I of course remember that sad, sad break up. It was of course for good reason though. I mean he didn't hold my hand one day when we were walking to lunch, and women these days just don't put up with that nonsense. So under my friend's advice and help, we made him a very melodic song explaining to him why this relationship would have to end. I remember it consisted of my friends singing a couple lines of, "Oh Jonathan, Oh Jonathan, You should have done ____ and ____" and then at the very end, for dramatic effect, I came in and told him that he was a great basketball player but I just didn't think he was boyfriend material (a line memorized from Bring It On). Poor guy, must have been traumatized by the whole event and actually ended up crying a lot. Even in high school he was known to cry a lot with his girlfriends. Hope that didn't have anything to do with me. ( :

Oh, the beauty of young love. <3 <3

Home Sweet Home

This weekend I discovered my ideal place to settle down with a family. I can't even describe my excitement because I wasn't even sure if my ideal town existed. It is called Occidental and is in the Sonoma county. It is an adorable, little town filled with small farms embedded into the forest with only about 1,000 residents. It is big enough to have a school, a couple gourmet bistros, an inn, a relaxation spa, a movie rental store, and other various establishments but small enough to not have cell phone service(there are land lines though, no worries). As my bus was driving into the town I was falling more and more in love. I know I could wake up every morning in this place and walk outside and have my breath taken away by nature's beauty. It is so perfect considering that it is inland but still not very far from the Ocean and is still in California, where all my family lives. Also it isn't very far from bigger cities and I hopefully would find a job that would be close enough that I could commute to. I've included some pictures that I got off the internet but they don't even sum up the perfection of this town. Even if I don't end up in this specific town, it is so reassuring to know that a place so perfect for me exists.

Check out this awesome website that describes my perfect place ( :
http://www.occidental.org/

Why I Love San Francisco...

There is always something going on. Some crazy, psychedelic concert or some cultural parade or a really random festival going on somewhere in the city. And then there are of course the traditional events of San Francisco, including the annual Pillow Fight in the square across from the Ferry Building every Valentines Day(see pictures) and the group of cyclists who get together and clog the streets with their huge masses of bikes. And the annual Chocolate Festival in Ghiradelli Square was even a really fun time for me, someone who does not particularly enjoy chocolate. There is always so much going on in this beautiful city that at times it may even be overwhelming, but i wouldn't have it any other way. Even if none of the events sound appealing for that specific weekend, there is so much exploring to be done and experiencing all of the different components of San Francisco that make it such a diverse city. If you want to check out some of the awesome, ever changing events going on in San Francisco check out this website http://sanfrancisco.going.com/ Every thursday they send the best email telling me a variety of cultural, musical, artsy, or just fun happenings going on in the city for the following weekend. Oh the internet can be such a beautiful thing ( :

A Tribute to Little One

I just have to give a big shout out to the bamf who sleeps in the bed under me. This 5'3 chick was about one or two words away from fighting a huge probably 6 foot 250 pound Samoan girl. Despite the obvious difference in size, my little roomie didn't even think twice about telling this bitch to stop elbowing her. And when she turned around and asked her if Jackie wanted to fight, what did my roomie do? Threaten to go crazy on her with her Pepper-spray. Makes me proud to call her my roommate! People do not be fooled by the angelic face, Blake can vouch for her feistiness and I will admit she keeps me in line with her constant threats of pulling out the brass knuckles under her bed. But all in all, you can't help but love her!!

My Latest Obsession

Craigslist. It has got to be the most awesome website ever created. There has never been a website that has connected the community in as many ways as Craigslist does. While it can be used for perverted purposes, as seen on the news with recent issues, the benefits reaped from Craigslist more than overshadow the downfalls that can be attributed to any internet site. I am fairly positive that I will find my house that I will live in listed on Cragslist and from the free section (yes, a page where people are urging to give away FREE stuff) I will find almost all the furniture that my house will need at no cost to me except for the transportation. Last week I found tickets for a sold out concert that I was itching to see at a reasonable price. Because of Craigslist my family and I were able to get together and go see a concert and have a great time together. In addition to putting up items for sale and listing real estate all around the city, there is a section for job postings, community events, volunteer opportunities, discussion boards, personals (for ANY kind of relationship you may be seeking), and even an area for people to post lost and found items. There isn't much more you could ask for in a site to help get the community connected. So if there is a Craigslist for your area, and if there isn't you can get one started, I highly recommend checking out what it can offer you.

Here is the link for the San Francisco Craigslist:
http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/